Running in the Rain

27-02-2025 Estee’s Cafe, Running in the Rain, and Staying out of Trouble. Blog entry 24.

I finally posted my first blog entry a few days back. I have 23 entries I wrote months ago waiting in a document, and I do plan to post those, but I had the idea of doing two threads at once: I’ll alternate between real-time adventures and past introspective thought pieces. Here we go!

Yesterday I woke up with that feeling, the one that says life is short and mine is passing me by. Instead of letting myself feel existential dread, I did my morning routine: Coffee, Feed Spirit, Make Bed, Breakfast, Wipe Counters, Sweep, Let Spirit Out, Brush Teeth, Clean Mirrors and Sink, Journal, Study. I looked at my resume with a deep fear of inadequacy. Who would hire me? I’m an anxious mess!

I sent out emails to professors asking about research positions, then surfed Indeed for job postings. I ended with a lot of fear about the future, and some thoughts fueled by low self-worth. I love myself, I know I have worked hard to become a person I am proud to be, but when facing new challenges, the fear of failure surfaces.

Since it’s reading week, I wanted to catch up on tasks while still enjoying my freedom from time commitments. There’s this little café downtown with a pink interior and teal seats I’ve been wanting to check out for a long time. I promised Spirit a walk and promised myself a coffee date. With emails sent and facing my human imperfections, I put on my neon pink shorts, hot pink T-shirt, teal windbreaker, and matching teal and pink runners.

Spirit wore her hot pink-with-white ‘Barbie’ logo raincoat we got off the clearance rack at Pet Valu a few days earlier, and I wore matching lipstick with my big white ‘Barbie’ ribbon hairbow. I packed Spirit’s polka-dot pajamas, my blue Nike sports pants, and my Sportif climbing shoes into my two-tone pink waterproof backpack. I took off my mini-Spirit keychain so it wouldn’t get soaked. With sunglasses on to protect my mascara, we were off!

We stepped out of our warm cozy house into the torrential downpour outside. Map My Ride is telling me to let the ‘Workout Begin,’ so off we go, hopping down the stairs and breaking into an immediate run. My phone plays ‘How Far I’ll Go’ as I convince myself this is meaningful – running in bright pink shorts during a rainstorm is going to lead me to my dream life of world peace and financial freedom – there’s no doubt in my mind.

As I take off at a fast but steady pace, I feel confident. If I can do this, I can do anything! I tell myself. It’s what I always tell myself when deciding on whether to take on a challenge. If I can overcome the rain, my laziness, and the stress of running, I can overcome hatred, ego, and my own weaknesses.

Spirit just shakes it off, she shakes it off!

As we run towards downtown, I don’t feel the cold or the rain, I just feel free. Free to make my own choices and free from my own self-limiting beliefs. We catch some red lights, and the rain is making it hard to navigate my phone to pause our timer – it’s okay, I don’t always need to track my runs perfectly, it still counts. ‘Dear Maria Count Me In’ sets my pace, with ‘Tear in My Heart’ giving me a slower rhythm.

As we near downtown, ‘If Crazy Equals Genius’ carries me past the people huddled in doorways. “Oh my gosh!” “Aren’t you cold?” and “Wow, look at her go!” get thrown my way. I would be lying if I said it didn’t feed my confidence. I can’t help but smile and wave, with a light laugh. I break into a faster pace, around 4:30 minutes per kilometer. I know I can’t maintain it, but in the moment, it just feels so good.

Around kilometer five, I’m feeling accomplished. I meant to go longer, but the high is wearing off and the cold is setting in. Spirit had tried to pull me into Shamrocks earlier, but they were closed. I lead us to The Dog House, a cute pet boutique on Duckworth Avenue. Spirit loves pet stores and enjoys sniffing the aisles and getting treats from the staff. We put on a trick show for them, and everyone is smiling. After about 15 minutes, I thank them for their time. They tell me I have a lot of talent and should think about getting a Belgian Malinois. They wish me luck on my journey to run my own service dog school, and off I go.

I guess I have a huge ego. I try to train it to be good. If I direct all my creative energy into creating a story where I help people and accomplish awesome feats, why is it bad to think highly of myself? I shake off the feeling of being the center of attention or of being a bad person. I’m just me and not trying to hurt anyone, I just like to have fun! I’m running down the street at a slow and steady pace in my soaking wet shorts. Next stop, Estee’s Café.

“Shake off!” I ask Spirit before we go in, and then again between the double doors. I try to keep her doggedness tidy. We step into the café, and I freeze. My hair is soaked, my jacket is soaked through to my skin, and a noticeable puddle is forming around me.

Two Cuties!

“Hey, are you okay? Are we in your spot?” A friendly-looking guy dressed in dark muted tones asks me. He has cheekbone-length dark hair and a fairly well-kept, but not perfectly trim beard. He looks like a comfortable hipster. Who I presume to be his girlfriend sits beside him. She also wears dark colours, and they both wear long black coats. A stark contrast to my bright pink aura – just as planned, my teal jacket perfectly matches the velvet chairs, and my pink shorts match the walls.

“Aha, no no!” I’m just realizing, I’m soaking wet, I wanted to check this place out and didn’t think about the rain.” I’m still just standing there.

“It’s alright, it’s my first time too, and I’m also soaking wet,” he says back.

I decisively move to the counter to end this interaction, though I’m not feeling awkward nor was I intending anything, it’s time for me to get out of this conversation. With a light laugh to cut the tension, I say hello to the barista. She recommends to me a savoury pastry – a bagel with spinach cream cheese, tomatoes, and I think maybe pesto. I order the Gold and White Latte – some sort of vanilla cinnamon warm and sweet magic potion.

I go to the washroom to change into my dry pants and switch Spirit into her jammies. She hates being cold. When I get back, we put a plastic bag over the nice chairs, we are all laughing and enjoying the comedy of the situation. I take a moment to take it in. The place is so… cute!

Imagine Prince Charming Sitting Right There!

The bright pink walls, the royal-looking pink and teal velvet-covered chairs with gold frames. The neon heart, marble accents, and white floors with circle patterns. The entire outfit was clearly intentional, and my outfit was perfect.

The people who I assume to be a couple leave. I’m taking pictures for my blog later, and the barista and I start chatting. I ask her if she’s the owner – she is not. She asks me about Spirit.

“Does she guide you?”

“Only spiritually.”

We both laugh, and she tells me how wonderful of a dog Spirit is and how lucky I am. These comments bring me a lot of joy, especially on the days where my life path seems less clear. Her name is Esther, and we start talking about where she is from, Nigeria. She tells me about how beautiful the houses are there and more about her culture. We get into the concept of good and evil, and about how humans are complex creatures. She tells me some colourful stories about interactions she’s had where she was not expecting such unkindness, and I share mine with her. It was truly a lovely experience.

Take a Sip, Plan a Trip: Maybe To Peru or Indonesia Next?

At the end of the conversation, she leaves me with a little message to carry with me for life:

“You’re a good person, Julia. Truly, I can see it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“A lot of people tell me that, I think it’s more me who tells me otherwise. I know about all my worst pieces.”

“No. Every morning, when you wake up, you look in the mirror and you say: I am good. I am beautiful. God made me piece by piece in the image of perfection.”

“Amen.”

“Amen!”

We both laugh. I tell her thank you and that I’ll leave a good review. I go back to the washroom to switch Spirit and me out of our dry clothes before venturing back out into the rain. Next stop, Shamrocks and Jungle Jims, I want to talk to Emma.