The Wrong Metal

04-09-2024 Blog Entry 4: The Wrong Metal: When it Just Won't Stick.

It was our first week back on campus from summer break. Spirit and I have a routine of people and places that we visit. For my own mental health, having these small check ins keeps me grounded. Around 10:00am we visit Cody in the Chemistry lab to see his rock of the day and to chat with my friend Wei. I had learned about their projects in my first year when I was allowed to shadow them as a Chemistry undergrad student. I eventually figured out a science degree was not for me and switched to Law and Modern Languages with the goal to become an influencer to make the world a kinder place.

Spirit takes her seat in the office while I go into the lab.

Most days we walk a lap around campus, stopping into several offices to see what’s new, check in with friends and Spirit gets her treats. I enjoy updating people on my progress to keep myself accountable. On this particular day Cody had no magic rock! However, we did step into the lab so he could show me some of the new equipment and give me an update on how their research projects have been going. I love being involved and find that learning about different processes and lifepaths gives me perspective.

“So, do you remember how we couldn’t make a nice film?” Cody asked me. This research project is on creating better corrosion resistant coatings for Ocean Vessels while repurposing waste materials.

“Yeah, Wei spent like two years unable to get it to stick.” I remembered how many hopeless days Wei and Sunny wanted to quit after yet another failed experiment.

“So, it turns out the problem was simple. We were testing it on the wrong kind of metal!”

What had happened, was they were using a metal which had a different composition than the metal they were accounting for, and which would be relevant to the application of a successful coating in industry. One day, when their usual source was unavailable, they ordered from a new vendor who gave them stainless steel. They found out that the metal they had been using before was not in-fact, stainless steel.

Finally, they were getting good samples allowing them to move on to the next phase of testing. Months of research, months of self doubt about their ability as chemists and it turns out it was never their chemistry that was bad – it was the wrong metal. They had good chemistry, but they were applying it all wrong! With a new foundation, things were going better. They were finally getting tangible results.

“That’s got to be a metaphor for something. You were never the problem; it was the wrong metal!” I laughed; Cody laughed.

“Yep, just the wrong metal!”

Sometimes life is like that. You are not the problem. Your performance is not the problem. But the metal – the metric with which you measure your success – is the wrong one. To apply this to other life scenarios, its like when you force a highly active kid to be a mathematician without giving them opportunities for athletic expression. The kid acts out, their school performance drops, everyone tries to find out what is wrong with them.

If you take that same kid and put them into sports or give them another outlet, suddenly they are a star! They excel at sports. When the metal you are working towards does not align with who you are, you are going to feel like a failure. In the case of the lab, the coating could not stick to the wrong metal. I am not a chemical engineer; it just does not stick! However, I excel at learning languages and working with people.

When the metal I work towards is “Best Chemist”, I get stuck just trying to get the first step, I get stuck trying to stick to it. When the metal I am working towards is “Kindest Heart”, I can stick to those goals easily. just like in the lab, I can move on to the next phases becoming the kindest version of myself - in a way that is going to succeed in real life. Similarly, Spirit would make an awful guide dog. She loves birds.

A note left on my desk from when I worked in the lab. I will always love science, and hope to learn more about the universe my entire life long. Right now, I need to see what my social and political skills can do.

As my dog, she gives me the perfect amount of challenge. She forces me to be better. She is the perfect Service Dog for me. A friend of mine has a guide dog. His dog is a big sook who hates big cities and has a much lower energy level than Spirit. His dog would be a poor match for myself who wants to spend days living in the forest or going to loud parties. Part of what makes Spirit a great adventure partner for me, is her high drive and wanderlust potential. What would be a major flaw to someone else, is manageable and at times even an asset to me.

I think this lesson also applies to love. I met someone, and I thought we shared amazing chemistry. No one had ever made me feel so much like myself, made me laugh so easily, or understood me. We had so many interests in common and I thought it could really go somewhere. The connection was undeniable -at least to me. But sometimes, even when the chemistry is right, the application is all wrong.

The issue wasn’t with us as individuals—it was the wrong metal. Where I was ready to form a chemical bond, they only wanted a magnetic connection or a friendship. Unless both parts of the equation were right, it would never stick: No matter how good my chemistry. One-sided relationships don’t work. Relationships where one person wants friendship, and the other wants love, can have unpredictable reactions. Relationships built on external opinions, surface-level connections, or the need to meet others’ expectations, are like applying the wrong coating to the wrong metal. They don’t hold.

No matter how many years could pass, without the right foundation and compatible bonding,

My friend from the lab, Wei. While we might not talk chemistry anymore, she is still a gym and climbing partner. I am very grateful to know her.

relationships seldom stay strong. I know that the kind of bond I need includes being emotionally vulnerable to build a meaningful future together. I know I value patience, honesty, and understanding. Maybe my past reactions have not been what I hoped for, but that does not mean that the chemistry was not real or that the next reaction will fail – it does mean I need to look at the entire environment and figure out what is under my control which is keeping me from a successful bond. Even when the experiment fails, we learn from it and move on. Sometimes the right person isn’t the right person at all, and time shows us that. Friendships, lovers, mentors, jobs – those that are meant for us will stay. The ones that don’t stay, or those who erode us, we learn from and move forward.

Sometimes, life’s lessons come through rejection, and while it stings, it doesn’t mean the chemistry wasn’t real. It just means I was applying myself to the wrong metal. With time, I’ll find the right person, someone with the right application and the right match, and we’ll build something strong and lasting together. In the meantime, I keep moving forward, knowing that even when things don’t stick, I’m learning and growing.

While I was not a great lab assistant, I am so grateful to have had the mentorship of Dr. Therien-Aubin and the grad students. I learned many valuable lessons from my short time as a chemist in training!

With the wrong metal, you get a thin veneer that rusts and erodes over time. When you find the right fit, you build something strong, something that can endure. That’s the foundation I need, whether in love, in life, or in my goals. So today, ask yourself if the problems you're facing are about you, about the chemistry, or just about applying yourself to the wrong metal. You're always experimenting—and that’s okay. It’s your life, and only you can live it for you.

With a lifetime of experimentation,

-Julia and Spirit